Darrell 'Blind as a Bat' Gilman realized after two days of embarrassing failures that he was no match for the mighty Puma. In desperation, Darrell hastily conceives a plan to try to win one last match before heading home with the stinging defeats seared in his memory forever. He lures Puma and Simon "The Beast" to the beach cabana which he knows intimately from his many previous visitations . He convinces Simon and Puma to go kayaking with him in the blazing hot Florida sun, in a jelly fish infested ocean with the hope of exhausting his competition (or worse) before the day's match.
Dastardly Darrell had forgotten that Puma had received an infusion of heavenly DeLeo lasagna the night before. Little did he know that this nectar of the gods, had restored Puma to health (much like Popeye and spinach). Darrell has also forgotten (perhaps old age?) that Puma had spent many years of childhood on the ocean and could speak the language of the waves. Puma and Simon was thoroughly enjoying their kayaking experience and managed to masterfully guided their crafts to safety despite the many repeated attempts that Darrell made to collide and t-bone them. In desperation, Darrell tries to convince Puma and Simon to land their kayaks in the rough surf near the rocky shore. Darrell pointed out a landmark, a large piece of driftwood on the beach as the destination. However, the two gallant warriors riding their seaworthy steeds guided themselves further up the shoreline towards a more suitable place. Simon is first to attempt the shore landing and survives when he managed to leap off his kayak only moments before the unrelenting surf crashed down and tumbled it into the shore.
Darrell, with visions of victory in his head, focused on Puma. As soon as he sees that Puma is moments away from his doom, he swiftly turns around and paddles furiously away from the crashing surf, back to the safety of the open ocean. He turns back around to realize that his wicked plot had failed when both Simon and Puma stood on the beach, unscathed, wondering where he was. Knowing that he just couldn't float out there without attracting more attention, Darrell made his way back in only to be caught by the same evil plan he had lured the others into! Sensing impending doom, he feebly attempted to jump from his craft and was immediately swallowed by the crashing waves. In an ironic twist of fate, the karma of the ocean recognized Darrell's twisted plot and tore the glasses from his now terrified yet conflicted smirking face to deposit them into the dark abyss as tribute.
As Darrell stood on the shore, bruised, battered and somewhat blind without his glasses, he tried to analyze what had possibly find wrong with his plan. Yes, he realizes in hind sight, that the sport strap he has in his car should have been worn. He pondered and pondered, much like the Grinch, until his puzzler was sore, but he still could not think of something, he hadn't thought of before. As the trio made their way from the beach in order to get ready for the day's disc golf match, Darrell continued to ponder about his failed attempt to remove the competition. In yet another twist of fate, Darrell then learned that his car keys did not like salt water.
Once in dry clothes, but still shaken from the near death experience, the trio headed for the disc golf course where they met up with 2 local legends, Jason "Tinkerer" McCallister and Eric "Birdie" Taylor. Birdie Taylor was well know to most of the group having won the season tournament several years ago (beating Darrell in the finals). Birdie, however, claiming rust and an old shoulder injury started off very slowly. Puma threw towards the old basket location yet again, while Jason, Simon and Darrell went for the fairway. Even with easy throws, Eric just misses a par when his putt hit the chains and fell out. Everyone ended up with bogies except Simon, who, as is his style, 3 putted.
Eric again took it easy, slowly warming up his shoulder, and watched everyone else have poor tee shots including Puma, who taco'd the first tree. In an attempt to recover, Puma's second shot went a long distance but sadly, curved quite gracefully away from the basket. Puma clawed his way back to finish with a double bogey. On #3, Simon had a great tee shot and a good approach to make par, while Puma made bogey and everyone chased their discs around the woods to make double.
Darrell led the way on #4 with a nice par. On #5, Puma channeling his inner Bushman decided to avoid the trees on the left by going on a walk about back towards hole #4. Puma made an outstanding recovery shot but sadly missed his putt and tied the others with a bogey. Jason still in lumberjack mode finally got past the trees but the damage had been done as he carded another double.
In the tightly wooded #6, Eric, still playing it easy, went with a roller which avoided most of the early trees. Puma with visions of his great tee shot from 2 days prior still dancing in his head, promptly taco'd a tree. Not to be outdone, Simon went into full lumberjack mode taco'ing trees on 3 consecutive throws. His disc seems to have a slight wobble to it now. Jason had 3 good throws to be the only one to make par. On #7, Simon and Darrell went mano a mano with great drives to make pars. Puma remembering to switch discs this time, still threw it into the trees and finished with a double bogey.
On the wide open #8, Simon and Darrell still continued their manly jousting with Puma joining the fray. Eric, perhaps getting caught up in the heighten competition, finally deciding to return to the form we all know and admire, unleashed a huge throw easily beating everyone, but sadly it curved far enough left to leave an impossible second shot. Trying to thread the needle, Eric hit some palm branches to leave a difficult 3rd shot which hit the basket but did not drop in. Jason weaved back and forth across the fairway to make double bogey.
On #9, the first lake hole, Puma and Darrell, neither of whom learn lessons very well, repeated Friday's throws and deposited another 2 discs into the lake. Darrell's second throw "to safety" went back towards #8, across the entire 8th fairway and stopped at the far edge of the trees. He then proceeded to attempt a recovery (of his first recovery) by launching a huge throw across the entire eighth fairway, across the walking path and then over the lake where he made his second deposit with a resounding splash.
On #10, the second lake hole, Darrell deftly avoid the lake by attempting to go through the trees lining the embankment. Simon still in full chase mode, following closely on Darrell's heels, went for the same trees. Eric reverting back to easy throws, went towards the soccer fields. Puma went for the lake again but luckily his throw managed to fade back to the edge where it teetered for a moment, before deciding not to roll into the water.
Having survived the lake gauntlet, everyone relaxed and started throwing discs with abandon. Jason, Simon and Puma each made a par on #11 with Darrell and Eric making a bogey. On #12, Eric shown his old form by uncorking an impressive throw (bring back memories of the real Birdie Taylor) to make his first birdie of the day. Jason, Puma and Simon tried to follow suit but ended up with pars while Darrell missed his putt to settle for a bogey. #13 was more of the same as Puma, Eric and Jason all made pars with Simon and Darrell making bogey. Everyone made bogey on the long-ish #14.
Everyone had nice tee shots on #15, but Puma made his 40 foot birdie shot to the surprise of all (except Puma). On the very long par 4 #16, Eric continued his dominance by make 2 long throws to set up his second birdie of the day. Puma trying desperately to keep pace could not match the arm of Birdie Taylor and settled for a par. Darrell in a somewhat vain attempt to stay close to Puma also managed a long putt for par. Simon chasing Darrell settled for a double bogey while Jason still trying to master the new throwing style went wide right to the soccer fields. Then he started remembering something in math about the shortest distance to a point is a curve and did some rough calculation in the sand and proceeded in a curve towards the basket. A quick check of what Jason wrote revealed: sqrt((c-x)^2 + (d-a^(k^(bx)))^2). Perhaps he needed a derivative as he finished with a double bogey.
It was at this point that Eric sadly announced that he was running late for another appointment and had to leave. The group, wanted to see more excellence (from someone not nicknamed Puma), pleaded for him to stay. Even Puma, understanding that his leaving would paved the way to an easy yet unfulfilling victory, begged him to stay, as a hollow victory does not excite him. However as Eric walked off into the sunset, the remaining players trudged to the 17th tee box. Although Puma and Darrell made pars on 17, a pall had decided on the group. Simon whose arm was hurting by this point, struggled to just complete the match. In the end, the results were mixed. Eric would have won had he finished. Puma finished with a 69. Darrell and Jason at 73 and Simon with a 74.
