(DP) - Jacksonville - October 20, 2006
The Semi-finals
The players had arrived early. They made sure that they had time to
properly warm up. At the appointed time, Bushman Pike aboard his
mighty red Vulcan bike, rode onto the scene and became the game's
official photographer. There could be no doubt that the semi finals
were going to be a fight to the finish. Birdie Taylor warming up on
the soccer fields was throwing his disc long and straight covering most of
the field with a single throw. Darrell "Tetrahedron Master" Gilman
looked clam and relaxed as he warmed up. Tarzan Miller wanted to get a
better nickname and was bounded and determined that tonight's match
would provide the nickname committee with the inspiration to change.
Puma the Kid had a bounce to his step after Sunshine's recent nickname
submission.
Unlike the quarterfinal matches, the tension and pressure was high and
the anxiety affected the players from the start. One par, 2 bogies and
a double bogey on the first hole, pretty much summed up how this
evening was going to unfold. By the third hole, every player had
already carded at least one bogey or worse. Disaster struck on the
wood holes (6 and 7) as Tarzan, soon to be renamed Woody Miller, carded
an 8 and 6 all but eliminating his chances of advancing. Puma
struggling early and often would wait until the 9th hole before his
disaster happened when he recorded a 6. After nine holes, the scores
were Birdie Taylor comfortably in the lead with a 30, TM Gilman had a
35, Puma had a 38 and Woody had a 43. However with the handicaps, the
scores were much closer. Birdie with 25, TM had 26, Puma 27 and Woody
28. So it was still anyone's game on the back 9.
The struggling continued as Birdie went to the 10th tee. He launched a
very nice shot with went over the lake and curved towards the shore.
Unfortunately, the shot hit the edge of the embankment and rolled back
down the hill all the way into the water. Luckily the disc floated and
after the rescue, Birdie had a 85-foot shot up the embankment to get
close to the basket. However, Birdie didn't get to this lofty perch by
getting it close. Instead he measured, aimed and fired, a wide arching
shot into the basket for a par. Puma had a wonderful tee shot on
number 11 that went wide right past most of the trees. As it was just
about to start curving back to the basket to provide a very reasonable
birdie try, it glanced off of a tree and ended up across the walking
path on the other side. However, it was Puma's second throw that were
his nemesis this evening. Having a tough second shot to get it close,
Puma threw horribly and ended up with yet another bogey. On 12,
everyone had good tee shots. Puma going for the birdie he so
desperately needed went over the top of the basket, clanked the
comeback par and ended up with another bogey. TM knowing that he was
safely in second place at this time made a safe birdie attempt and
finished with a par. Birdie Taylor safely in first place enhanced his
position with a birdie from the bushes increasing his lead. Puma
gained a stroke back on the 13th hole with a par closing the gap to
within 2.
On 14, Puma had the opportunity to get within 1 when TM threw wide
right on his second throw. Puma's second shot was horrible and he
ended up with a bogey as did everyone else. Woody made a magnificent
tee shot of the 15th hole going 10 feet past the old hole location.
Unfortunately, that also meant he was 75 feet from the present hole
location with lots of trees standing in between him and his destiny.
*TWACK* into a tree went Woody (a sound heard frequently this evening)
leaving him with a par. Birdie went soaring on his tee shot, hit a
tree, leaving him with a long tough second shot and finished with a
bogey. TM playing from a position of strength made the throws he
needed to get a par and drop Puma down another stroke. However, Puma
and Woody were not going to go without a fight. Making magnificent tee
shots on 16 and 17, they fought back. Birdie started to really
struggle, hitting trees and flying way off the mark. TM playing it
safe also wasn't making a move. It was up to the 2 stragglers to make
the shots to snatch victory from the jaws of defeat. Inspired by the
trash talking and literary excellence that has been disseminated
recently, several fans and players contributed their works to tell the
story of last night's semi final match. Earlier that day, the
Tetrahedron Master produced this little ditty:
There once was a player named Pawson
Who thought his game was quite awesome
But his heart it was broke
When in play he did choke
For he play like flotsam and jetsam
Puma was out to make him eat his words. Borrowing without shame from
Ernest L. Thayer's famous poem, Jump'n Jenn Pawson produced this gem last
night, which provides the suspense of the match and pretty much sums up
the outcome:
The outlook was not bright, for the four that came to play
The score would only allow two of them to stay
In the first round there were woods that knocked off one
And many others followed, blinded by the sun
The crowd was ready to give up, afraid they seen the worst
Some of them remained, as though driven by some insatiable thirst
They thought. "If only Puma can't get over that awful briar patch,
We'd see the his fall from glory, if he were still in the match"
But Birdie preceded Puma, as did also Tarzan Miller
The former was a master, while the latter might be Puma's killer
So upon that gloomy outlook, the crowd did a dance;
for there seemed but little luck of Puma having a chance.
But Birdie hit a tree or two, to the amazement of all.
And TM, the much anticipated, into the woods did fall.
And when the dust had lifted, and the cat saw what had occurred,
there was Birdie with a tough shot, and TM without a word.
Then from five thousand (little squirrel) throats there rose a lusty
yell; it rumbled through the valley, it rattled in the dell; it
pounded through the mountain and recoiled upon the net's steel; for
Puma, mighty Puma, had stepped onto the playing field.
There was ease in Puma's manner as he stepped into his place,
there was pride in Puma's bearing and a smile lit Puma's face.
And when, ignoring the haunting jeers, towards his mark he did
proceed, no stranger in the crowd could doubt twas Puma in the lead.
Ten thousand eyes were on him as he rubbed his hands with dirt.
Five thousand mouths dropped when he wiped them on his shirt.
Then, while TM thought of how Puma might choke and slip,
defiance flashed in Puma's eye, a sneer curled Puma's lip.
And now the brilliant disc came hurtling through the air,
and Puma stood a-watching it without a single care.
As his first shot was a little off, and the rumors had already bred-
"I'll keep on going, that shot ain't my style," Puma said.
From the benches, black with squirrels, there went up a muffled roar,
like the beating of the storm waves on a stern and distant shore.
"Kill him! Kill the reporter!" shouted someone on the stand, and it's
likely they'd have killed him had Puma not raised his hand.
With a smile of Christian charity, great Puma's visage shone,
he prevented the rising riot, he bade the game go on.
He signaled to the others, and once more the great disc flew,
but Puma bravely faced his tormentors, and the others said, "Ha! You
fool!"
"Fraud!" cried the maddened thousands, and the echo answered "Fraud!"
But one look at Puma that night and the audience was silently awed.
They saw his face grow stern and cold, they saw his muscles strain,
and they knew that Puma wouldn't miss that shot not even once again.
The sneer has fled from Puma's lip, the teeth are clenched in hate.
He roared, with ferocity, ready to accept his fate
And now Puma holds the disc, and now he lets it go,
and now the air is shattered by the force of Puma's throw.
Oh, somewhere in this favored land, the sun is shining bright.
The band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light.
And, somewhere men are laughing, and little children shout,
but there is no joy tonight in Jacksonville - mighty Puma had
clanked out!
In the end, the final scores were Birdie 62, TM 67, Puma 71 and Woody
75. With the handicaps, Birdie and TM finished with a 58, Puma and
Tarzan 60, so in the finals next week will be...
(drum roll)... (trumpets playing ta-da)
Mr. Consistency, Eric "Birdie" Taylor
.vs.
The master of disaster, Darrell "Tetrahedron Master" Gilman
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